I had big plans when I started this blog, like making it the most active blog in the world and everything. I thought I would post something daily and improve my writing skills and all. But, nothing happened. I made a post in the first day itself, and I felt so good about it. I made another post in the next day and I felt more good. And I made another post after almost a year, and I felt hopeless about it. And I forgot about this blog. Here I am, back to this blog after two years of it’s launch.
I don’t know why it happened eventhough this often happens (that’s way too many ‘happen’ happened in one sentence). I thought if I did that, I would have a writing habit eventually and could beat the fear of publishing my writings. It was not the fear that stopped me from writing and publishing in this blog. I gave way too many fucks about publishing and the content for this blog. I am like that. Whenever I do something, I make it a big deal. I just can’t do something for the name sake. And I have this ‘not-enough’ syndrome — it is the feeling of something is not enough when I do something. It is not a thing, I just made it up. I can’t write a 100 words post. I think it is not enough. I can’t process a photograph I like in a few minutes; I think there is something more I could do. And the list goes on. So, when I wrote the first post in this blog, I didn’t give a shit about how good it was, whether it would blow people’s mind away or something. And I didn’t give any shit about the second post either. But, for me, the second post was kind of a big deal because it blew my mind away. I loved it. I read it few times, and surprised how I wrote it. I thought it was the beginning of a new writing era. But that stopped me from writing more in this blog. I had few things I wanted to write in this blog, but I didn’t feel they were good enough. Seriously, the only loyal reader of this blog is myself, and this was what I thought.
Oh, I completely digressed. I didn’t say anything about what I was supposed to say in this post. I made the title first and decided to write something, but I ended up somewhere else. I am sorry. I am like this. I don’t plan my blogposts. I just write, and I like it that way. If I sit and plan and outline my article, shit comes out (figurative shit, ofcourse. I don’t have any medical problems of that sort).
So, why I hate this blog’s url? I think it is kinda not creative and uncool. Please don’t mind if you find the URL funny. I know I am not supposed to compare myself with others and that kinda thing. But you know how our mind is, it is a bitch sometimes and you just can’t help it but listening to it. When I started this blog, the idea of realistic thinking was in my mind and I had been thinking about it for quite a while. I just could not take my mind off from it. And when I am in that phase, I can’t think about anything else. If you ask me something completely unrelated to it, I would eventually take you there, and leave you thinking that I am weird or something (I guess I am). When I made it, I thought it was cool and would make me look intellectual and all. Now, after two years, I think it sucks. The first title of this blog was the same as the URL, but later I changed it to words and thoughts because I thought it was cool (and I still think so). I could not change the URL to wordsnthoughts.wordpress.com for free. WordPress said that if I have to change the URL, I need to pay 13$ per year something. I am a miser. There is no returns in the blog expect my satisfaction when I publish something here. But I don’t like the idea of paying 13$/year just to satisfy myself.
Look at that. I wrote four paragraphs just to give you a one line reason for not liking the blog’s URL. The ‘not-enough’ syndrome. Okay, I should stop now.